After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
