Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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