i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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