Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
