I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
