We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize