You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
