I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
