the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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