but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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