You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
