she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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