Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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