I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
