farters have to be the big spoon...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
