I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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