just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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