Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
