There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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