I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
