I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
