Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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