Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
