You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
