why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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