how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
