remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
