Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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