i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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