He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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