I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
