At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
