Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
