where does the pee come out of this thing
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
