i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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