I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
