Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
