Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
