Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have fence marks all over my body
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
