my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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