just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
