I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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