No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
