then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
