Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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