You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
jump out the window naked night went bad
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