Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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