plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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