he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
