My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize