so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize