Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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