That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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