do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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