before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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