Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
