I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
