apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We have so much sex to catch up on
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
